Monday, June 27, 2011

Rainy Monday into Sunny Monday

One year ago today I started on a journey that was not my choice to travel, and yet I knew I had to travel upon that path.  It is amazing to discover how much you need to grow, or learn, or be when you are forced to take a step on a path that is not your choosing.

The last twelve months have been pretty much a time of constant change.  I am not the same person I was twelve months ago, and my family is definitely not the same family.  We have all traveled ways that instituted a change, mostly positive, but sometimes negative.  We discovered pieces of ourselves that were either forgotten or undiscovered.  We faced trials, fears, challenges.  Sometimes I wondered when it would end.  A friend of mine told me to think about it as character building, and then turned around and said, don't you wish you could scream 'OK enough character building!  I need a break!!'  I must admit.. that elicited quite a chuckle from me.  I was feeling those exact sentiments.  I had felt like I have been character building for my entire life.  I had begun to wonder what it was that I kept missing.  Why did I need to character build more.

I felt like brick after brick was being dropped on my head, only, I didn't know what I was to do with them.  If you know me, you know I have a wee bit of Irish in me, and my hair tends to have a bit o' red in it, and thus, true to my heritage and hue of my tresses, I can be a tad stubborn.  A brick could drop in my lap with a hint of direction, but because it did not specifically have my name on it, and step by step instructions, I would push it aside and think, ah... not for me.  I had heard several comments about 'firming up my foundation' since I felt like I was being bludgeoned by bricks, but it was not until someone said... 'let's start building our basements' did I truly step back and think about what I could learn.

When I first learned of the life altering events, I decided it was time to take advantage of the journey, and make some life changes that I had long wanted to do.  One year later I sit and reflect on what I learned, what I accomplished, what I didn't.  I have come a very long way from a year ago.  I am a different person in many ways.  I also learned there are many things I still need to work on.  My best lesson, 'take care of yourself'.  I can be a better wife, mother, daughter, sister and friend if I take some time for me.

So here I am, one year later, allowing myself to feel so many of the emotions I would not allow myself to feel last year.  I sit here knowing that there is always room to improve, and that I never want to stop learning, growing, and doing.