Friday, December 3, 2010

Christmas Shopping

I have never really been a huge fan of shopping.  I do enjoy it occasionally, but I would much rather be doing something else.  I think sometimes I enjoy it when I am alone.  I usually people watch, and you can't really do that when you have a lot of other little  people tagging along, I end up watching them!  During the Christmas season I tend to like it a little more.  I do enjoy searching for the perfect little surprise.  I always want to find that just so perfect trinket that the person never knew they wanted but absolutely loves.  That is not an easy task.  You really have to listen, and then not mind the searching.  This year.. shopping has been most difficult.  

Each year I request 'wish' lists from my kiddos.  "Wish" because they aren't guaranteed to get what is on that list.   Usually the list is quite long, so I have plenty of options to search for.  As with others, I tune into my kids starting in late summer and just 'people watch'.  I am tuned in all year, but, as summer draws to an end my focus changes.  That is when I start trying to make my mental list.  I might even buy something if I find the just so perfect thing.  It becomes a quest.  The quest for another amazing Christmas morning.  That five days or so around Christmas, starting on Christmas Eve are some of my most favorite days.  We actually slow down.  If you are reading this, you know my family is pretty much on the run most of the time.  Those days right around the day we celebrate Christ's birth.. are very precious, because our schedules are free, and we are together.  Those sought after trinkets and surprises I came up with are reminders to my family how much I love them.  

This year however shopping has been difficult.  I have not found 'the perfect surprise'.  I am having a very difficult time even finding the expected gift.  My brain has been a little more occupied since late summer, and I guess I didn't  tune in as well as I usually do.  And yet, maybe I was tuned in and picked up on the desires of my children's hearts.  You see... at the top of all four of their lists... all they want for Christmas is for us all to be together.  

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

The month of November in the world of facebook was dedicated to daily updating your status with your gratitudes.  At the beginning it was very difficult for me to not say the same boring thing each day.  I am thankful for my family, I am thankful for my friends, I am thankful I have income etc etc etc.  One of my dear mentors had the most beautiful status one of these fine November mornings, and it was about the smells she was thankful for, and asked her friends to contribute to her list.  Reading that long list of smells that conjured up wonderful feelings from my past and present, made me realize that there is SO much to be thankful for, and that this should not be a difficult task, the writing of a daily status as to what I am thankful for.  

So, I began to dig deeper.  What I soon realized is that there is so much I take for granted.  I go through my day, moving from one task to another, from one appointment to another, often begrudging the to do list, and where I find myself at that moment in time.  I often rush through a moment because I know I need to get to the next moment.  Thus, trying to come up with a daily' what I am thankful for' was daunting to say the least.   That status update about scents,  followed by one about sounds, was a revelation.  Many of the sounds and scents took me back to memories of my own.  Memories that for that instant,  filled my heart with warmth and drew a smile upon my face.  It isn't that hard to realize what you are thankful for.  You just have to slow down long enough to realize you are thankful for them.  

I began to look forward to my morning status update.  I would sit with my cup of coffee, close my eyes, and let it come to me.  It has been a true blessing to just bask in the gifts that I have in my life.  The gratitude has truly grown, and this month has made me rediscover parts of me that I let life trample.  If you don't live your life, then it will live you.  When you let your life live you, then you miss out on all of these wonderful small tokens and moments and memories that carry you through times when no matter what you try, life is fighting to live you.   Hanging onto those moments.. that is what keeps you on the winning side.  Even when it feels like life is winning out, there are small blessings to be found that puts you back on top. I must remind myself to stop, even in the chaos, and look for that sliver.. that blessing. 

Learning to enjoy writing my status update.. has reintroduced me to a love of writing.  Funny.. a simple challenge in the world of facebook has taught me so much, and has truly brought about a change in me.  

I hope that all who read this will find many small moments that truly bless their hearts!

Friday, November 19, 2010

My first Entry

Journaling at one time was a huge part of my life.  As a little girl we called it our diary.  Dear Diary... today the cutest boy smiled at me.  Oh for the days of that simple life.  In high school a very dear English teacher had us journal as an ongoing project.  She encouraged us to pour ourselves into this project.  If I remember correctly, most of the girls put much more effort into the project than the boys.  We had a required number of entries and that is usually what our fellow male students would complete.  I can remember writing nightly in that notebook, adding sketches, and random thoughts, and pictures.  That notebook documented my junior year.  My family moved away from that summer, but I continued to write in a journal throughout most of my college years.  Some of my entries, as I look back now, show the young inexperienced soul that I was.  Weeping over boys, or the lack there of.  At some point, my entries became sparse, and eventually stopped.  I do regret not keeping up with my daily musings.  When I do look back over what I had, I am often reminded of that girl who had so much hope.  I am sometimes surprised at how old my soul was at the age of 16.  I am always surprised at how deeply I loved. What did I know back then?  I don't know if it was adulthood that got in the way of my writing, or maybe motherhood, but I often wonder about those years.  Where was my heart, my mind, my emotions?  I do not want to look back five to twenty years from now and wonder the same thing about this era in my life.  Thus, the beginning of my blog.  I will do my best to pour into my writings here as I once did as a young teen.  I am still that girl, just a little older, wiser, maybe a little bruised, but I am still her.  I still love deeply, weep over boys, hope for my children (who now exist), and remain as true to my old soul but young spirit as I possibly can.